Being foreign

I am still rattled by the police raid. I have been asking myself a lot of questions, including, why did I agree to leave Kenya to come to SA? Before I came down, did I even know about the existence of xenophobia? perhaps in the dictionary, but really, did I really understand what it meant to be foreign?

To be foreign means having to renew visas regularly. Each time you renew it, you are filled with trepidition. Will they ask me to buy medical aid for next year? Will it mean, as usual, that I will have to pay a year's worth of medical aid at once? Meantime, Its the middle of this year, can I use my medical aid for this year? What if they deny me a visa, what then? will I get a letter from the relevant faculty confirming my status as a legal foreign student?

Its always about paying more than anyone else, going through so much more pain, waiting, suffering. even at the banks (foreign xchange) and forex exchange bureaus, where majority of the customers are foreigners, you get that special vybe, like people are doing you a favour by serving you.

I suppose I am okay because I have a choice as to whether or not I want to remain in this country. I can move if I want to. But that will not solve the issue of being short-changed on my rights because I am a foreigner. I wonder how I will feel when I eventually go back home. Sometimes I think I will be treated with contempt there as well. after all, why did I leave the country? why am i back? why couldn't I just have stayed away?

I hope I did not make a mistake to leave my home country. This feeling of alienation is probably always going to be with me, but i hope I manage to handle it better with the years.

Sigh.